You can’t go AWOL from your internal war

There’s no greater act of selfishness and cowardice than desertion from your duty. In the United States military, this despicable act is referred to as Absent Without Leave, or AWOL. It’s almost an unforgivable sin. AWOL is very rare in the US Military because of the important people who are let down when a warrior deserts his or her duty.

Few people leave others hanging in their greatest moments of need, like a warrior who goes AWOL. Still, I see people making foolish attempts to go AWOL rather than fight through personal strife and internal conflict after a personal failure.

After a personal failure, we all experience guilt and shame. Most of this is because we’ve let someone very important down… namely, ourselves. No one likes to experience that pain of guilt and shame. However, if you running from these ugly emotions or going AWOL rather than dealing with them only leave you vulnerable to more and greater personal failure in the future.

Guilt is an emotion that touches everyone at some point, often arising from mistakes, choices we regret, or actions that impact others. While shame is a natural response, unresolved guilt can become paralyzing, and running from shame can’t make you stronger. The only way to grow after a personal failure is to confront and work through guilt, which is critical for maintaining emotional health and resilience.

Guilt is a tricky enemy. To overcome guilt, you must first face and embrace it. Ignoring your feelings may feel better in the short term, but over time, it will only come back to bite you. Take a moment to confront your emotions directly. You have to look guilt in the eyes to beat it. I believe that God created the difficult human emotions of guilt and shame to remind us of our need for a savior and to drive our willingness to ask for forgiveness. Going AWOL from the internal fight will never lead you to these two destinations.

If your guilt stems from another person’s hurt, take active steps to make it right. This might involve offering a sincere apology or going out of your way to address the hurt caused. While another’s forgiveness may not come immediately, expressing genuine remorse can help relieve your guilt and facilitate closure for both parties. Don’t forget that godly sorry leads to repentance. Getting sincere with yourself is the first step towards getting sincere with God.

After confronting the ugly emotions from this incident, take a deeper look at the situation that triggered your personal failure. Look yourself in the mirror and ask: What happened? What drove my actions? What were my true intentions? This analysis can help you grasp that everyone is fallible—we all need forgiveness. You won’t grow better until you can identify what went wrong in the first place.

Rather than viewing guilt solely as a burden, consider it a chance to grow personally in your relationship with the offended party and your relationship with God. Remember that mistakes are inherent to the human experience and can help you make stronger and wiser choices in the future.

Don’t be afraid to seek help. Share your struggles with someone who has a strong faith. Hearing others’ experiences can remind you that you’re not alone in your feelings. When necessary, get professional help. It’s that important to your future.

At some point, after you’ve worked through the circumstances and tried to make amends, you have to choose to let go of guilt and shame. This doesn’t mean forgetting or dismissing your past actions but rather recognizing that holding onto guilt can be counterproductive. This is the moment that you can declare victory in the internal war after a personal failure.  And your internal victory should always lead to internal peace.

Facing guilt and shame isn’t easy, which is why so many people try to go AWOL rather than do the hard work. Making mistakes is part of the human experience, and the strongest warriors are those who have already won the internal battle. By acknowledging, analyzing, and learning from our guilt, you can transform an ugly event into a powerful opportunity to get stronger.